That's all very well, but whilst I'm busy dreaming away here, life is in fact passing me by at an alarming rate!
This is an(other) attempt to put myself back on track. How many times have I been derailed now? I have had a very strange three months in which I have given myself some very good advice and then promptly ignored it. I feel that the past four years has been a bit of a waste somehow and yet... I refuse to accept that it has all been wasted. I keep telling myself that I can use the experience, write it all out of my system. To be honest though, I would rather leave the internet behind.
Normally, when you get sucked into a system, there comes a point when you get spat out again. With me though, I feel as though whatever (whoever?) has sucked me in refuses to spit me out. I began to fear the worst some time ago but didn't want to admit to myself, least of all to anyone else, that I might have a "problem." It was when I started to google "internet addiction" that I had to admit to this. I now have to take steps to undo bad internet habits: not logging on until I've written at least 500 words; not checking my emails for the 100th time before lunch; not logging on to forums or message boards; winding down any Facebook activity. Yep, all these are time wasters. They aid procrastination. They suck away any real productivity. This is where the last four years of my life have disappeared to and it's shocking!
I would like to whittle all internet stuff down to blogging but I don't know how realistic that would be. I mean, how can I withdraw from the internet and blog my progress? How ironic would that be? Of course, there's the trusty paper journal (and yes, I do keep a "real" paper journal); there's no real need to make it electronic. Hmmm... I could waste some more time wondering about this - or I could just shut up shop and move on.
Whose dream is it anyway?
~
Wednesday 29 October 2008
Friday 10 October 2008
A Pool of Tears?
It's been a frustrating old week – not helped by the fact that I have been full of cold and not functioning at full speed. Also not helped by a minor issue which – in my defence – wasn't entirely my fault! Anyway – enough of that.
Another thing which has bothered me this week has been the fact that I have been having flashes of inspiration at all the wrong times; times when I couldn't really do anything about them. I've even kept my dicta-phone with me at all times – but when push came to shove, I just couldn't get those glimpses down. I feel like I've hit the wall – and I haven't even started Nano yet – I don't even intend to do Nano this year (resist – resist!) What I do want to do though is recapture that Nano “attitude” if that's the right word. In order to do this, I need to work out what it is about Nano that works. It's the only time when I can actually get down to it and write. It does come at a price though; family suffer because it's an all consuming thing. So, I want to capture the Nano ethic whilst not compromising the family. Nano is approximately 1700 words per day (1667 to be more accurate [1666.66667, if we're being really pedantic]). To some people, that is a huge target, to others, it's peanuts, although to be fair, the ones who claim to be able to knock out 10,000+ words per day, don't seem to have any other priorities in their life – and by priorities, I mean families – as in spouse and children. They might have other important things though – I don't know and I'm really not in a position to be judgemental about this because we all have various commitments which is up to us to manage. And, to be fair, I have the same number of hours in my day as anyone else. My point is, if you have a family, you can't simply shut them out as if they don't exist. Life is about interaction and let's face it, it's pretty hard to interact with yourself (even if you do make more sense sometimes). Back to the Nano word count... If 1700 words is a bit high, perhaps it should be reduced to something a bit more manageable? 1000 or even 500 would be more realistic. My ideal is 1000, but if I'm being realistic, 500 might be more manageable for now. Besides – I'm going through an editorial process right now – but as it is a Nano, much of it needs rewriting and as Nano is a mere 50,000 words – I need another 50,000ish words to go with it – and no, I'm still resisting another Nano this year because I don't want another mess to tidy up. The idea is to cultivate a little quality right now... I reckon I need somewhere between another 30 to 50,000 words. So it's not pure editing, it's a bit of editing, a bit of rewriting and a bit of pure writing. Now I've sorted all that out, I've avoided what I came here (Java Lounge) to do and write the concluding scene to chapter two. I know what it is – I just don't know how to proceed. And, my neck and back are aching now... Owww...!
(Ten minutes later...)
OK – I rested my back a little and still managed to write (some of) this scene. It's not perfect but it's getting there and I made myself do it.
Another thing which has bothered me this week has been the fact that I have been having flashes of inspiration at all the wrong times; times when I couldn't really do anything about them. I've even kept my dicta-phone with me at all times – but when push came to shove, I just couldn't get those glimpses down. I feel like I've hit the wall – and I haven't even started Nano yet – I don't even intend to do Nano this year (resist – resist!) What I do want to do though is recapture that Nano “attitude” if that's the right word. In order to do this, I need to work out what it is about Nano that works. It's the only time when I can actually get down to it and write. It does come at a price though; family suffer because it's an all consuming thing. So, I want to capture the Nano ethic whilst not compromising the family. Nano is approximately 1700 words per day (1667 to be more accurate [1666.66667, if we're being really pedantic]). To some people, that is a huge target, to others, it's peanuts, although to be fair, the ones who claim to be able to knock out 10,000+ words per day, don't seem to have any other priorities in their life – and by priorities, I mean families – as in spouse and children. They might have other important things though – I don't know and I'm really not in a position to be judgemental about this because we all have various commitments which is up to us to manage. And, to be fair, I have the same number of hours in my day as anyone else. My point is, if you have a family, you can't simply shut them out as if they don't exist. Life is about interaction and let's face it, it's pretty hard to interact with yourself (even if you do make more sense sometimes). Back to the Nano word count... If 1700 words is a bit high, perhaps it should be reduced to something a bit more manageable? 1000 or even 500 would be more realistic. My ideal is 1000, but if I'm being realistic, 500 might be more manageable for now. Besides – I'm going through an editorial process right now – but as it is a Nano, much of it needs rewriting and as Nano is a mere 50,000 words – I need another 50,000ish words to go with it – and no, I'm still resisting another Nano this year because I don't want another mess to tidy up. The idea is to cultivate a little quality right now... I reckon I need somewhere between another 30 to 50,000 words. So it's not pure editing, it's a bit of editing, a bit of rewriting and a bit of pure writing. Now I've sorted all that out, I've avoided what I came here (Java Lounge) to do and write the concluding scene to chapter two. I know what it is – I just don't know how to proceed. And, my neck and back are aching now... Owww...!
(Ten minutes later...)
OK – I rested my back a little and still managed to write (some of) this scene. It's not perfect but it's getting there and I made myself do it.
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